Victim or Victor
Which One Are You?
Too often in life, we encounter people where everything that happens to them is not on them.
When they were late, it was because the train, bus, or cab driver was late. Or perhaps there was a traffic accident on the road. When they missed the deadline, it was the internet connection, they got ill, or the group did not do their part.
They place blame automatically on someone or something. They blame other people, their sibling, parent, colleague, spouse, and even their pet.
When they say they will do something, they rarely fulfil it.
When faced with an uncomfortable or uncertain situation, they feel they can not succeed in overcoming it.
When people disagree with their view, they will feel attacked. They would be defensive or hide.
They dwell on mistakes and misgivings. They rarely celebrate success and rarely see good events that happen in their lives.
“It is what it is.” While this saying applies on some occasions, it is often used as an excuse for inaction.
On the other hand, there are people who take ownership of their circumstances.
They take control but know when they are not in control. They rarely blame the weather.
When there is a known problem, they find a solution and take action.
When the journey is uncertain as most journeys are, they plan ahead. They navigate the environment. They sort out issues.
When they say they will do something, they do it. They take commitments seriously.
When they miss to do something or make a mistake, they admit it. And move on.
They almost never place the blame on other people, things, or events.
You have probably worked out which one is the victim and which one is the victor. You might have been reminded of someone you know. You may also have stopped to think about which one are you. It is easy to spot this in others. It is not easy to spot this in ourselves.
Victim or victor is a mental state. It is a choice (says the victor). It is what it is (says the victim). Whichever side you are on, it impacts your relationships, career prospects, health, and life choices.
I have experienced both camps. Putting on victim mode can make things easier on some occasions, also because it can be manipulative of others. However it attracts negativity. The victor on the other hand, is a much more empowering mental state. It bring about a much happier, productive and positive version of ourselves. And as a result, it creates room for happier and positive relationships with others.